I have two small children. Let me tell you that there have
been many prayers prayed in the middle hours of the night. Albeit those prayers
were more like “Please let this baby stop crying,” “please make my baby go back
to sleep,” and “please don’t let the rest of the family get this nasty stomach
bug.” To make matters worse, I am SO. NOT. A morning person. So you can imagine
that when someone begins talking about rising early (and the definition of
early is 3 or 4 am!!!) I am likely to have a conniption fit. EM Bounds, and his
chapter titled “Much Time Should Be Given To Prayer,” may very well be the
source of this future outburst.
Now, I realize there is quite the culture shift from his
time of writing (late 1800s-early 1900s). So in a small part of my mind, I feel
like I can explain away his account of men who have put a priority on prayer
and have risen early and given many hours to prayer due to the difference in
era. But I think what gets under my skin most is: he’s right. “Much time spent
with God is the secret of all successful praying.” He accounts many men
(Charles Simeon, Joseph Alleine, Robert McCheyne, Paul, Daniel, David and
Christ) who spent innumerable hours spending time with God in prayer as a
lifestyle and as the highest priority (and sometimes the only item) on their
To-Do lists. Many of these men woke up at 3 or 4 am to spend a few hours in
prayer at the start of their day. Which, as a mom, I can attest that if I wake
up at 3 or 4, my children will be waking up at 3 or 4. I swear they have the
most selective hearing ever! Back to the point, though…
In the last few years, since I’ve become a mom, I have grown
very fond of looking at experiences through a new lens. This lens is called
“Phase of Life.” Realizing what phase of life you are in and how that can
affect certain areas of your life has been very freeing for me. I’ve been able to
find some grace for myself. It may sound bad to some, but I’ve lowered my
expectations; not in a way of settling, but in a way of setting realistic
definitions of success and reachable goals for this season of life that I’m in.
For the most part, I’m able to keep my head strong about this, and surrounding
myself with people who encourage me towards this level of grace as a mom, a
woman, and as a person is super helpful.
But then there’s EM Bounds who isn’t as helpful and who doesn’t
seem so supportive of my new lens. However, I do want to point out that I
appreciate his tone and view that is centered on spending time with God as a
part of a RELATIONSHIP. His writing didn’t come across as a set of rules where
you check off each hour and that’s what makes you a good Christian or gets you
into eternal life with Jesus. He’s very clear when he says “The men who have
most fully illustrated Christ in their character, and have most powerfully
affected the world for him, have been men who spent so much time with God as to
make it a notable feature of their lives.” What makes me feel guilty or less
than enough is when EM Bounds quotes Luther: “If I fail to spend two hours in
prayer each morning, the devil gets victory through the day.” As I start to
better identify my feelings about the point I think he’s trying to make, I
realize that my feeling is not guilt, but conviction. Oh how often has my day
been dictated by impatience, selfishness, pride, guilt and shame, and other
feelings that make it seem that “the devil gets victory through the day.”
I think I’m also feeling convicted because I realized that
in some part of my mind and heart, I thought “Well since I can’t spend multiple
hours in prayer with this phase of life, I suppose I just won’t even try.” The
flip side of looking at life through a lens of my season, is that I have let
the pendulum swing from a healthy medium. On one side there’s complacency, on
the other there’s rigidity; in the middle, there’s grace! I’ve climbed the side
to complacency. The line between grace and complacency has gotten thin for me.
I’ve gotten caught up and become ok with not spending time with God in prayer
because “I’m busy” – which let’s be real…sometimes being “busy” means I just
spent all of the kids’ 2 hour nap time scrolling through Facebook and watching
home makeover shows. I can tell you that I have not come away from those
instances refreshed or renewed. But give me 15 minutes reading Scripture,
praying and listening to some worship music, and I feel like I could conquer
the day with the Lord by myside, guiding me and renewing me.
So now the trick is to hold all these ideas in a healthy
tension. I can have grace for myself and create realistic expectations, but
also respond to the nudging in my Spirit to spend more time in God’s presence. I
can spend more time in prayer, but not feel like that amount of time has to be
4 hours beginning at 4 am. Allowing myself to be moved by the Holy Spirit, and
not others’ expectations, to define my time in prayer is a point of learning
for me. That would require me to begin somewhere, though. It would require even
spending a short amount of time each day in God’s presence. So I’ll be starting
there.
